The Drama Trap...

Color Commentary for Monday, February 12, 2007
By Maikel Bailey

"The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow. Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit and you reap a character. Sow a character and you reap a destiny."
~ James Allen

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We asked Maikel Bailey, a world-renowned expert on sales and professional development, to comment on the reasons behind our success-limiting procrastination.

Maikel is in the process of completing a sensational new book entitled The Rules Of Insanity: The Fears That Drive Us—The Desires That Inspire Us.

As we say in our Miracle of The Goal TeleSeminar, people have three primary fears:

• The fear of success...

• The fear of failure...

• And the fear of the future.

As you will see, these fears are easily vanquished!

We are happy to present Maikel's views in this series of 5 wonderful articles, and grateful to him for sharing his thoughts well before the book's publication!

The Drama Trap...

This is the third part in a series on desires and fears, and how they affect our lives. Last week we discussed The Procrastination Trap.

In a brief review, the more we procrastinate the more we feel, and then believe, that we are not smart enough or powerful enough to take our lives up to the next level and create the success and joy that are rightfully be ours.

This week the focus is on The Drama Trap. This is where we cleverly manipulate and enmesh others into our procrastination and avoidance strategies, getting them to agree, one way or another, as to why we don't take action and make things happen for ourselves and others.

Let's begin with this idea:

Did that get your attention? What a great way to start off a motivational article! Right?

That is the entire point with The Drama Trap—a lot of hooey about this and that, which ultimately ends up in feelings of hopelessness... what's the point... why bother... I knew it wouldn't turn out... and on and on.

The Drama Trap can affect every area of our lives.

It doesn't matter if it is a relationship, your job, a goal, a sale, a better golf score, a new home, whatever it is The Dream of Possibilities is replaced by The Doom of Reality when we allow ourselves to get caught in The Drama Trap.

We ask ourselves, how did this happen... again? Worse yet, we go and ask others, why this happened... again! It is like a re-run of a bad B movie (I know some of you think your re-runs are at least a B+ movie, maybe even a pretty good A movie. Yeah, and that's the problem!)

A lot can be said about The Drama Trap. This will be covered in more detail in my upcoming book The Rules Of Insanity: The Fears That Drive Us—The Desires That Inspire Us. For now, let's focus on one aspect of The Drama Trap which is so pervasive, many people think that this distortion is how things are supposed to be.

I'm talking about the Blame Game.

Clip and Hang.

This is something that, as coaches, we hear all too often.

This particular part of the Blame Game is called You Owe Me.

Sounds fun already, doesn't it?

In The Drama Trap, You Owe Me is played for big stakes.

Just think about this on the political level. How many men and women are elected to office with the promise made to their constituents that if sent to office they will cash in on all the BIG You Owe Me's now due for them?

Some politicians, (Some? That's a laugh!) build an entire career out of playing this game, being elected again and again, term after term.

And in a nutshell it stinks! Why?

Because when we play this Blame Game—You Owe Me—it is an agreement, in which we deceive ourselves. We convince ourselves that we are not responsible, powerful, capable and worth what it takes to make it in life.

Instead, we believe we have to suck it out of someone else. (Did somebody say, vampire?)

The recent movie, The Pursuit of Happyness, is an outstanding outcry of protest against this pernicious game.

This is an extreme example, some might say. What about this You Owe Me on the everyday level of our lives?

All right, let's bring this down to the everyday. But you must be honest to do this. What is your immediate reaction when something goes wrong?

There are only four positions you can take:

1. Take responsibility upfront for your part and seek suitable options and take fitting action.

2. Look for someone else to hang the blame on and take the position of You Owe Me.

3. Accept too much responsibility for what went wrong and take the position of I Owe You.

4. Take the position of I Owe You and You Owe Me and the whole thing is pretty much screwed up.

Through the window of our fears we see situations in ways that moves us to avoid taking responsible action. Just like with The Procrastination Trap, we attempt to side step responsible action and now, in the Blame Game, we pin the responsibility onto others.

(This is vital for you to understand. If we do not take responsibility for our part, there is no option, but that we will get sucked up in the Blame Game. It's like gravity. Drop a rock, it drops. There are no floating rocks here.)

Here are some situations to checkout. Ask yourself which of the four options above do you tend to take? (BTW—we each have our favorite position amongst the four.)

• At work you forget to schedule a meeting and you're called on it by your boss.

• Your spouse does not give you the time and attention you want and someone at work does.

• You have a joint checking account from which you and your spouse write checks and it is now overdrawn.

• You're driving on the freeway when someone pulls in front of you and then the driver suddenly steps on the brakes.

• You find out your child or a brother or sister is using drugs.

• A neighbor says something off-handed and you find the remark insensitive and offensive.

• You wait for a family member to whom you have not talked to in years to call you.

The point here is this: It does not matter what happens to us so much as our RESPONSE. Our response will determine if we get caught in The Drama Trap or remain free of it.

"You never will be the person you can be if pressure, tension and discipline are taken out of your life."
~ James G. Bilkey

Talk to the TQ authors personally, and learn the inside secrets to setting and achieving WOW Goals for the next 5 - 15 years ahead!

Please attend The Miracle of The Goal TeleSeminar! We have custom-designed 2 great, 1-hour classes to support individuals, coaches and trainers in setting and achieving WOW goals for 2007... 2011... and beyond. This is your opportunity to talk directly to the authors of TQ, and get YOUR personal questions answered. See Class Schedule...

Choose Wisely!

But to choose wisely, we must be aware of the fears that drive us and manage them courageously. Think of it this way.

Have you ever seen a water tower? The water up in the tower is there not only for storage, but it is also up there to create "water pressure"—which is the power that propels the water out of the faucet when a valve is turned on.

Now, what would happen if someone were to shoot bullet holes into the water tower? The water leaks out and is lost. Also the water level goes down. The power that created the pressure is reduced and if the holes are not stopped, then all the water (the captured resource) and its power are lost.

That is what getting caught up in The Drama Trap is like.

It is an energy drainer. It robs you of your resources and your power that when coupled together enable you to take action to accomplish your goals, become the person you desire to be and live the life you really want to live.

Our fears literally drain off and waste the energy that was available to us to pursue our dreams. After a day of Drama, we are left with an "empty tank," shot full of holes and so we go plop ourselves in front of the TV, or in front of the computer surfing the net mindlessly, or some other "stress relieving activity" in the hope we will recuperate by "manana."

When you really look at it, The Drama Trap is a poor, faded shadow when compared to the light and energy of living your dreams in "The Adventure of Your Life," which is never a re-run.

It is always a Premiere!

Conclusion...

So, now you have choices to make. You can allow yourself to get caught up in the drama around you, indiscriminately or discriminately, the one will get you there faster but the story always ends the same—badly; or you can pass.

In passing, you can choose to become unflappable to all the flipping-flapping drama around you, and instead, become totally focused and impassioned about your dream, your goals, and your purpose.

Choose the drama and you become caught up, distracted, at odds, drained and ultimately victimized.

Choose your passions and purpose and you become focused, reliable, steady and adventurous.

There is always a CHOICE to be made. Choose wisely and you become the success you desire—sooner, rather than later. Choose to remain in the Drama Trap and the success you desire will remain dramatically out of reach!

Maikel Bailey

"Don't be afraid if things seem difficult in the beginning. That's only the initial impression. The important thing is not to retreat; you have to master yourself."~ Olga Korbut

TQ Integrating Questions...

TQ Attitude Factor 3A "I take full responsibility for how my day turns out." is on point to Maikel's wonderful advice!

Understanding how this Factor drives your performance is the key to improving it.

Sometimes a small shift in perspective gives you a huge shift in power.

Print this page, take out your pen and invest a few moments to answer the following questions.

Each one is designed to shift your perspective, change your point of view, and to invite specific action.

"Point of view is worth 20 IQ points."
~ E. R. Haas

Power Up Questions:

1. In which areas of your life do you need to take responsibility right now?
   _______________________________________________
   _______________________________________________
   
2. Seize control. What is one thing you're not happy with right now? What one thing are you going to do about it today?
   _______________________________________________
   
3. What "Absolutely Will Be" by the end of this day? This week? This year?
   _______________________________________________
   _______________________________________________
   _______________________________________________
   

Insight Questions:

1. What complaint in your life could be changed by your becoming more responsible for it?
   _______________________________________________
   _______________________________________________
   
2. Where could you gain additional power over your life by being more response-able?
   _______________________________________________
   _______________________________________________
   _______________________________________________
   
3. If you're waiting for one person to be your "Genie" who would that be?
   _______________________________________________
   

Perspective Questions:

1. How's your mood? Who's responsible for your mood -- really?
   _______________________________________________
   _______________________________________________
   
2. How much of your destiny did you influence today?
   _______________________________________________
   
3. Response-ability for things that go wrong is not the same as guilt. What matters is, will you fix it? When?
   _______________________________________________
   

"It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny."
~ Anthony Robbins

About Maikel Bailey

While Maikel may not have done it all, at times it feels like it. From digging ditches, framing houses, teaching personal development before it was called personal development, selling business to business, seminar speaker and leader, selling personal development for Denis Waitley and Zig Ziglar, coaching others how to achieve their dreams personally and professional he has covered a lot of ground over the years. He now owns and runs a coaching business that trains individuals how to transition from "employee thinking" to the "entrepreneurial mindset" and establish a successful online marketing business. With an elite stable of 10 coaches and outstanding support staff, Maikel is responsible for the "coaching of the coaches", and curriculum development.

Maikel is married to Michelle Winslow, the love of his life. They are the parents of seven children and nine grandchildren with two more on the way at this time.

Contact Maikel...